I've lost that loving feeling...

If you've had a few drinks with me (or at least, spent time with me after I have a few drinks) at any point during the past, oh, 3-ish years, then you know that I have this tendency to start rambling about a certain fellow...one fellow in particular.

Circumstances have kept us apart, I can't stop messing up, we belong together, I'm going to build a covered wagon and find my way back to him...you've heard all of this.

So I have been hung up on this person for a long time...sort of needlessly so, I guess. It's just that every time I'm five seconds away from giving up on it, he manages to reel me back into it.
I am over it. This is no joke.

Now before you shake your head in disbelief, hear me out:

I will admit it...we have a certain amount of chemistry that manifests itself as constant bickering and really hot sex. But 15-30 minutes of really amazing physicality is not worth the frustrating level of insecurity and incessant game-playing required to get this guy out of his pants. I'm not lazy, but...I want to feel as if someone thinks I am one of the best things/people/ideas ever...and he goes out of his way to do just the opposite.

Sorry, but I have outgrown the elementary school habit of hitting boys I like (and singing songs about how stinky they are...I will admit to doing this in the past...in the 80's). I don't like games. I don't need to be told I am "trouble" (sorry males of the world...this does not turn me on nor do I take it as a compliment). And so on...

And so, after 3 years of dirty dreams, text message intrigue, blowjobs in the park, bruised arms, naked photos, and constant pining (on my part)...it's done. I spent a brief bit of time with him in Portland...and I realized that I was sick of it all. I'll always adore his freckles and appreciate the way he dresses...and I'll always admire his record collection and his surprising love of Hello Kitty...but I need more than he seems capable of giving me...and I have allowed my feelings for him to sabotage too many other romantic situations for me.

Lest you are concerned that I will no longer have anything to tipsily discuss...never fear! I suspect I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend. What a relief!